Jokes ( Page 2 of 5 )

Student Filpping Coin in Exam April 05, 2012 13:09

A statistics major was completely hung over the day of his final exam. It was a True/False test, so he decided to flip a coin for the answers. The stats professor watched the student the entire two hours as he was flipping the coin...writing the answer...flipping the coin...writing the answer. At the end of the two hours, everyone else had left the final except for the one student. The professor walks up to his desk and interrupts the student, saying: "Listen, I have seen that you did not study for this statistics test, you didn't even open the exam. If you are just flipping a coin for your answer, what is taking you so long?" The student replies bitterly, as he is still flipping the coin: "Shhh! I am checking my answers!"

First Visit April 02, 2012 12:59

The young blonde bride made her first appointment with a gynecologist and told him that she and her husband wished to start a family. "We've been trying for months now, doctor, and I don't seem to be able to get pregnant," she confessed miserably. "I'm sure we’ll solve your problem," the doctor reassured her. "If you'll just take off your clothes and get up on the examining table." "Well, all right, doctor," agreed the young woman, blushing, "but I'd rather have my husband's baby.

Funny Quotes on Girls April 02, 2012 12:37

"I'll be long dead and there will still be people who say I am gay." -- Actor George Clooney says he ignores gossip about his sexuality. "If you haven't hugged or kissed your kid in the last couple of days, take that time." -- Joe Bergant, school superintendent in Chardon, Ohio, where a shooting at Chardon High School left three students dead and two others wounded. "You're only two years older than me, darling." -- Christopher Plummer, addressing his Oscar statuette after the 82-year-old was awarded the Best Supporting Actor trophy. He is the oldest person to win an Oscar.

Intelligent Dog March 22, 2012 13:33

A dog walks into a butcher shop, spends a number of minutes looking at the meat on display, and eventually indicates with a nod of his head and a bark that he would like some lamb chops. The butcher, thinking the dog would know no better, picks up the lowest quality chops in the shop. The dog barks furiously and continues to bark until the butcher selects the finest chops from the display counter. The butcher weighs the meat and asks the dog for $5.90. Again, the dog barks furiously until the butcher reduces the bill to the correct price of $3.60. The dog hands over a five dollar note and the butcher gives him 40 cents in change. Once again, the dog barks continuously until the butcher tenders the correct change. The dog then picks up his package and leaves the shop. Now, the butcher is extremely impressed and decides that he would like to own a dog so clever. He shuts up shop and follows the dog to see where it goes. After ten minutes or so, the dog climbs the steps to a house. When it gets to the top, it shakes its head as though in frustration, gently places the package of meat on the floor and, standing on its hind legs, rings the doorbell. A man opens the door and starts to yell obscenities at the dog. As he does so, the horrified butcher leaps up the steps and begs the man to stop. "It's such an intelligent dog," he says, "surely it doesn't deserve this kind of treatment." He then went on to explain how the dog had procured the best lamb chops in the shop, insisted on paying the advertised price and quibbled over incorrect change! The man looked at the butcher and said, "Intelligent he may be, but this is the third time this week he's forgotten his keys".

Kept Women March 17, 2012 12:56

Two blondes were comparing notes concerning their latest boyfriends. The first said, "He took me to his condo in Ocean City and showed me all these expensive jewels. There was an emerald-cut diamond of at least five carats, a tennis bracelet of six carats, and even a wrist watch with eleven carats." "Impressive." said the second blonde. "Well, yes." the first agreed. "But the downside was that with all those carats, he expected me to behave like a rabbit."

The Painting Job March 17, 2012 12:31

One day, an out-of-work man knocks on the door of a home in an upper-class neighborhood. The lady of the house answers. "Pardon me Mam, I'm out of work and looking for any odd jobs that people need done. I'm very handy with everything from repairs to yard work, to painting..." "Painting?" the woman jumped in. "Oh, yes, Ma'am! Im a very careful painter," the man replied, his face brightening at the realization she could provide him some work. "I'll tell you what. My husband just bought some green paint last week to paint the porch out back with, but we haven't had any time. If you can do a good job, then you can paint it before he gets home and surprise him. "Now, do a particularly good job and paint the trimmings white also, and I'll pay you an extra bonus." "Oh yes, Ma'am, I'll do an excellent job!" He was told the paints were also around back in the garage. A few hours later, the man returns to the door. "That was quick, did you do a good job?" the woman inquires. "Oh yes Ma'am, two coats! But there's something you should know," the man says. "That's not a Porsche, thats a Mercedes!"

Adult Jokes...! March 17, 2012 10:47

Girl: Im like a radio,my mouth spkr,my left breasttuner, right 1 volume. Man:Can I try?(touches dbreats)-no sound. Girl:U havent plugged in yet! → Nipple Nipple dont be far, can I press u in my car. Upabove the chest so high, always milky never dry. Letme suck you, dont feel shy. → Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of yourbreasts, than I can always look at them. Wife: Let metake a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged→ The sky is blue,grass is green,harder the fuck thelouder the scream,louder the scream the better thefuck,give me a ring u might be in luck → Q:Who is stronger, Man Or Woman? A:A woman bcos shelifts 2 mountains on her chest while a man lifts 2stones with the help of a crane. → A husband was asked: Do u talk to your wife after sex?His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone. → Son on his honeymoon phoned his mom asking what 2 do.MOM:Put ur biggest thng on her hairiest thng. SON:gotmy nose in her armpit. Now what? → rooster&cat goin over bridge,cat slips&falls inriver.rooster cant stop laughin.wats D moral?wherevatherZ a wet pussy therZ a happy cock → LUV D WAY IT RUBS AGAINST D SOFT PINK FLESH N MAKES ACREAMY FOAMY LIQUID AS IT THRUSTS IN&OUT,UP&DOWN,CAN`TWAIT 4 NEXT TIME.LUV MY TOOTHBRUSH

Bra Sizes March 17, 2012 10:35

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E and F are the letters used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it's about time you became informed! {A} - Almost Boobs...{B} - Barely there.{C} - Can't Complain!{D} - Damn!{DD} - Double damn!{E} - Enormous!{F} - Fake.

Divorce Joke March 16, 2012 12:42

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?" She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by." "No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?" "It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded. "I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?" "I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents." He said, "Do you have a real grudge?" "No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one." "Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?" "Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes." "Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?" "Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do." Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?" "Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me!"

Hanging on a rope March 16, 2012 12:37

There were 11 people hanging on to a single rope that suspended them from a helicopter trying to bring them to safety. Ten were men; one was a woman. They all decided that one person would have to let go because if they didn't, the rope would break and all of them would die. No one could decide who it should be. Finally the woman gave a really touching speech, saying how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving things up for their husbands and children and giving in to men. All of the men started clapping.

Clever Sardar August 16, 2011 14:36

A rich Sardarji needed blood for his heart surgery. He got it from a poor Bania. Sardarji gave him 5 million dollars. Once again the Sardar needed blood for surgery. Bania was more than happy to donated blood again. This time, Sardar just gave him a Cadburies Chocolate. Bania asked the reason. Sardar: Now I also have Bania blood in my body. A girl comes home with a smart Sardar boy. She introduces Sardarji with her mother. Mother: So, you want to become my son-in-law? Funny Sardar: Not really madam, but this is the only way to marry your daughter!

Hilarious Jokes July 30, 2011 11:00

Patient: I have swallowed a key. Sardar Doctor: When? Patient: 3 months back! Sardar Doctor: What were you doing till now? Patient: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too. Customer to waiter: Everyday you charge me money for a cup of coffee. How wonderful it would be if you serve me coffee free of cost today. Waiter: Sir, everyday you drink coffee from a filled cup. How wonderful it would be if you drink from an empty cup today !!!

Kid want to live with indian cricket team July 19, 2011 10:44

Judge asks a little Kid: Now that your parents are getting divorced do you want to live with your mummy? Kid: No, my mummy beats me. Judge: Well then, I guess you want to live with your daddy. Kid: No, my daddy beats me too. Judge: Well then, who do you want to live with? Kid: I want to live with the Indian Cricket team, they never beat anybody !!! Santa & Banta got tired using mobile cell phones. For a change, they decided to use pigeons to send sweet messages. And this hilarious scheme worked very fine. One day Santa sends his pigeon. Banta sees, the pigeon is without any message. He picks his mobile and asks Santa: The pigeon is without any sweet message. Santa: Oye khotey, that was a missed call.

Santa & Banta got tired using mobile cell phones July 09, 2011 10:06

Santa & Banta got tired using mobile cell phones. For a change, they decided to use pigeons to send sweet messages. And this hilarious scheme worked very fine. One day Santa sends his pigeon. Banta sees, the pigeon is without any message. He picks his mobile and asks Santa: The pigeon is without any sweet message. Santa: Oye khotey, that was a missed call.